Life change – things to think about first

Hello, my lovely readers! Hope you are doing well! I’m writting this post in an early November day when outside is snowing like it should be on December 25th. And I’m listening to Harry Potter soundracks on Spotify just because. ;) Are you already feeling like you are sitting on the couch with me? Good. :) Let’s talk, friend to friend.

I hear you wanna change your life. Is that true? Change it for better, am I right? (Who wants to change something for worse anyway). You are in luck! I am the master of change. :D Just kidding. But I’ve been changing myself for years now, so I know a thing or two when it comes to personal change. You can call it growing as a person, if you will.

Why talking about this now? I am doing it again. ;) Changing. No, I am NOT in the best spot in my life, but to be honest I have NEVER felt, that, yup, this the best point of my life. Always something has bothered me or felt temporal. But I do feel that I am slowly going UP, towards my ultimate happy place. :)

And just one other paragraph before I cut to the case :). I feel like we are changing all the time. We are gaining new experiences, learning new things, meeting new people, feeling different emotions etc. Not just the experiences shape our personality, but our attitude towards them. Change in ourselves is the bottom line we get out of those experiences. As simple as “Oh, I didn’t know I like running so much” or more difficult as “I now know how to  healthy react when someone is angry at me” and so on. Change is happening all the time, the question is, are we aware of it?

By the way, this is not a “How to make change in your life in 5 easy steps” post. To be honest, I mostly find them crazy unhelpful. :D How about you?

You are creating your future RIGHT NOW. Realize that you are now living in your past actions and today you are actively (or passively) creating your future. You are here in this point in your life just because of the life choices you made before. Even if it feels like you didn’t make any choices, you did anyway. Not choosing is a choice too. The Cause-consequences rule. It just describes life so well. You do something and it results in something. A very simple example is “I studied hard for an exam, got a good grade. I studied poorly, got a bad grade”. In this example you know why the grade was bad. The same applies to life. You can follow your own life span just following the choices you made. Analyzing yourself, you can find out which choices got you to THIS point of life. Remember, NOT doing anything is a choice too.

Blame. Well, now you have an idea where you made not so good decisions (and where you made good ones). If you are anything like me, you will want to blame your past, feel bad about yourself that you made poor decisions before, in general just put yourself down for not doing things right. Well, that’s a stupid thing to do. No matter what psychologists say, you cannot change your past (or any past for that matter). Ok, I do know time travel now is very popular in TV series, but, one, it is not yet a real thing, two – changing your past can change your future in ways YOU CANNOT IMAGINE. I believe it is not worth messing with. Hehe, a little SciFi break. ;) So, back to the point, past is past, leave it alone.

Change is about letting go. Letting go is a very hard part for me. To change, you need to let go of your previous self and become “something you are not”. “Something you are not” because if you are anything like me (again) you will feel like your true self is the one you feel right now, that sad or useless, or anything else person. So to change you need to accept that you might feel out of place, like you are faking it (that saying “fake it till you make it” has some truth in it). I know you deep down know what kind if person you wanna be, WHO you wanna be and to be honest you already ARE that person, she (or he) is just somewhere deep down and if you are thinking about change, it means that person is ready to come out! :)

The bad news. Change is slow. I know, it SUCKS. Good news, now you know change is slow! ;) Unfortunately you need more than that magical “click” in you head and the feeling that you have changed over night. It takes time for the “new self” to sink in, time is for the change to become permament, so it is not a change anymore but hard core reality.

The hard part. Change is hard. That’s no news to anyone. But why? I think one of the things is that You, as a changed person, are forced to live your “old life”. The only thing that has changed (for now) is you! And it is hard because, one, it is very easy to roll back into your old habits (personality) when everything around you is the same before, two, other people are looking to you as the same old – same old and somehow “demands” you to be the person they knew before (can you blame them) and it is hard to resist and sometimes even let go of people who don’t suit you anymore. And third thing that makes the change hard is You yourself. Yup. After a while you might start to doubt yourself. Is this really me? It feels uncomfortable. Can I do this? Who am I? I’m not THAT person, who am I kidding. So the real struggle to change goes on in your own head. Can you manage your own brain? I know, it is a handful! Old neiron pathways are screaming to be used. But for your own sake, you cannot give in. Be strong. Be “the New You”.

The one thing I really, really want you to take from this post is that you create your life in every moment you live. Can you feel how your actions today (f.e. DECIDING to read this post) affect your future? Can you almost physically FEEL your connection in the present with your future? I want you to be aware of your power to affect your own life. You can do this. I know you can! :)

Lastly, I wanted to add 2 drawings that hopefully will help explain my case better. No idea will they be actually helpful.

Do you have some actual tips how to make change happen and stick? Please, share your wisdom! :)

                              With love,

                                      Madara

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