Hi, my lovely readers! I know, I’ve been away. :( But things happen, you have to deal with them and then there is no time or inspiration for blogging. I do have a minor change in my mind for Lookforsmile to make things easier for me and clearer for you. :) And as I once said to someone, I really cannot drop blogging for good. So here I am, always coming back. This was quite a long intro totally unrelated to the topic I wanted to talk to you about, so let’s get into that! :)
What are your expectations from a friendship? Do you know? To be honest, until this moment I hadn’t consciously thought about it. You know, what are the main points that make you consider a friendship good. I guess you can also paraphrase this in – What is a good friend to you? Even though friend and friendship are not exactly the same, they stand VERY closely together. Ok, I’ll give some example so it is easier to understand. For example, you could expect from a friendship to inspire you, to drive you to do more, to just have a good time or learn about life, situations or even facts. You can expect from a friendship unconditional support, long, deep talks about feelings or an exchange of logical advice for problems you encounter. It can be anything and it varies from person to person.
So the trouble starts when you and a person you wanna be friends or you are friends with, have different expectations from a friendship. At first, it is all laughs and fun, like every relationship. ;) I mean, you don’t know this person SO WELL, so you are not sharing any very personal details yet. But as the friendship grows, so does the question or rather feeling – does this friendship brings me the values I expect from a friendship?
Let’s talk more about the last sentence – Does this friendship brings me the values I expect from a friendship? This may change over time and I think this is one of the main reasons why people drift apart, they just don’t have so much in common anymore, they’ll say. But the truth is, they changed and so did their values. In some friendships people grow together, they most likely have similar core values or they know the other person quite well and are ready to accept change in them or see them in a different light.
On to the main reasons I wanted to write this – why friendships sometimes disappoint. And my answer to that would be that people are just expecting different things from the friendship. For example, one is expecting long, deep talks about feelings and the other thinks a good friend should give a logical advice to problems. You see the problem here, don’t you? Why these people are friends in the first place, you might ask. Well, they might share some other friendship values, for example, fact exchange or inspiration from each other lives.
As lovers fight, so do friends. Occasionally. Or if not fight, have a disagreement about something and one of the things might be – what a good friend means to them.
So there is no need to be mad at a friend for not fulfilling your expectations what a friendship should look like. They are doing the best they can, the way it feels right to them! Sometimes it is disappointing to realize that you don’t share the same ideas but that doesn’t mean that the friendship should be doomed. Everyone’s different and acceptance is a quality everyone should acquire. Such a powerful tool. :)
Also, a good thing to remember is that people make friendships. Like REAL people. You might share the same friendship values with your friend, but you OR your friend are still working on fulfilling them yourself. By that I mean, we have our challenging qualities we try to conquer, we have our painful past experiences that sometimes stay in a way to achieve something. People are not linear, there are so many sides to the actions we do and we bring this personal mess into our relationships as well. And sometimes friendships help to heal or overcome something you have been working on for ages alone. You know, teamwork and all that. :)
So, should you be friends only with people who share similar friendship values as you? It could make life easier, most likely :D but I think the main thing to do here is to find out what a good friendship means to your friend (or friends) and maybe share your definition of a good friendship as well. And realize that even if they are not perfectly in sync, you can learn from each other and enrich each other’s lives as long as you are not demanding everyone to share your values and understanding and respecting theirs.
Please, share your friendship values in the comments! I would love to read them and see if we have something in common! ;)
With love,
Madara
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